It's not all about the footwork
In my conversation with Sherisa and Lydia from the Tapestry Folkdance center, they raised an important point about dancer "rights and responsibilities."
When you go to a social dance event, regardless of whether the organizers have you sign such a document, there is etiquette you should follow regardless of the scene.
Being a "great" dancer is less about whether you know the moves, and more about your attitude. Some of my favorite dance partners aren't necessarily the best technically, but I seek them out whenever I see them because they have the right attitude and use good etiquette!
Here are some of the top things you should know to contribute positively to any dance environment.
The power of No (giving and taking!)
You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. You don’t have to give a reason, just say “No, thank you” if you don't feel like dancing with someone.
If you ask someone to dance and they say “no,” take it gracefully! Smile, say "cool, have a great night!" and move on to someone else.
It's probably a good idea to assume the "no" is in place through the rest of the evening. Let the person come to you to ask you to dance next. And please, don't take it personally! You have NO IDEA what led to that no; don't get tied to it. Move enthusiastically to your next partner and don't hold a grudge.
Whaddya need?
People can't read minds! Also no one else lives in your body, so they don't know if something they're doing is making you uncomfortable. And you don't know if something you're doing is making someone else uncomfortable! SPEAK UP. You can do this politely; best practice is to be specific with the ask: “Please spin slower,” or, “Can you put your hand a little higher.” If someone is unpleasant to dance with, see if you can identify the technique that is making you uncomfortable. That way it's not personal - they can fix it and be a better dancer for all partners!
Check in with your partner every now and then. They may have a bum shoulder, or get dizzy, or who knows what else! "Are you doing ok?" is a simple way to invite feedback.
Also, if you like to use flourishes, ask first. Personally I love to spin, but I know plenty of people who have dizziness issues or have shoulder pain etc. Just ask! This can also apply to alternate positions, for example a close embrace in Blues dance. Make sure they're cool with it rather than assuming.
Don't intend to hook up
A lot of single people start doing social dance to expand their circles and meet people. However, most social dancers are NOT THERE TO HOOK UP. While I met my husband social dancing, and I know LOTS of dance couples, that is not the primary reason to be there. You're there to have fun and meet cool people! Assume platonic interactions first.
While flirtation is sometimes part of social dancing, it can make dancers uncomfortable and is not an essential part of things. Be cautious when dance-flirting, especially with folks who are not well known to you. Be extra cautious if the person you are thinking about dance-flirting with is significantly younger than you. Don’t continue dance-flirting with someone unless it is well received. Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal signals. When in doubt, ask.
Dance flirtation does not translate to anything off the dance floor. If anyone makes you uncomfortable with flirtation, tell the dance floor host.
If you wish to give someone a compliment, focus on the choices they’ve made and not on things about their body. Examples:
● Good: Nice outfit!
● Good: I like your dancing style
● Problematic: You have pretty eyes
● Problematic: You’re really attractive
Hygiene, hygiene
This one is pretty simple! Don't come smelly to a dance.
Don't wear fragrances or perfumes. More people than you think have allergies or sensitivities to scents.
If you sweat profusely, consider bringing some extra shirts and change between sets.
Don't smoke or drink then immediately dance. It WILL be on your breath and is unpleasant to a partner.
This sounds like a lot, but it's really simple to do. In most social dances, most of this can be done simply by having fun yourself AND making sure your partner is having fun too!
Interested in reading more? The Country Dance and Song Society (a national organization that supports folk groups all over the US) has several examples of dancer codes of conduct HERE. Special shoutout to the Portland Country Dance Community for their excellent code.
Happy dancing!
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